I’ve been re-evaluating my communication and relationships lately due a huge amount of stress surrounding me and my loved ones. It became two-fold as it has opened me up to both my guys and it has me feeling the need to define my dominant mental space versus my submissive mental space (not to be confused with the euphoric subspace or domspace). For a more detailed explanation on mental spaces please check out a post by furcissy- Mental spaces in BDSM.
I’ve always known I wasn’t completely submissive, as I have never been completely dominant. Sometimes it feels like a battle of wills, but realistically it depends on the person I’m with and our relationship which mental space is present.
Throughout the years I’ve remained friends with most of my Doms. Our relationships are not nearly as close as they once were for obvious reasons. One reason became apparent the other night. I received a message from one of the gentlemen and in the midst of conversation I fell back into the “yes Sir, no Sir” mentality when answering his questions. He has always given me a sense of calm and comfort, so I didn’t realize I had done this until the conversation ended and I was yanked from my mental space. I even felt a little guilty for allowing myself to give up my control of the conversation.
There are moments with S that trigger my submissive space as well. We don’t have a set dynamic as he is not really interested in a D/s lifestyle, but if we were to define one it would be considered Primal. He does like the idea of Hunter/hunted or better known as Predator/prey. He is very protective of our family and can be easily coaxed into more animalistic behavior in the bedroom. He loves biting, scratching and putting me into some questionable positions.
I have always had a male Dom. I’ve never really been exposed to having a female as I kept my circle pretty small. When the opportunity did present itself, out of sheer curiosity, I attempted to submit to a female and let’s just say it became a night of women’s WWE. My dominant mental space was triggered and there was no way this chick was ever going to have control over me. (Yes, that’s when I finally acknowledged my dominant side.)
When pet came back into my life it was easy to determine which side of the slash I fell. He has always had a submissive personality. Oddly enough his submissive mental space doesn’t truly ever go away. He goes deeper in his submissiveness with me, but his relationships with family and friends portray how submissive he is as well. Funny thing is that as I know what makes him tick he can easily do the same to me. He has moments of utter silliness and they can be quite fun, but they can also trigger my dominant space. When I’m not in the same frame of mind and I find the silliness annoying it flips a switch in me. I call him out on it and he immediately apologizes. When he has his moments of panic I can hear it in his voice and again it triggers my dominant space and I want to fix everything for him.
An interesting quirk of our relationship is that when pet and I are on the same wavelength he can bring out my little mental space. He calls it my princess side, haha. I can go into this space when we both are being silly and ridiculous. When I’m really tired and feeling extra needy at night pet can trigger my little by simply reading to me.
With the many facets of all these mental spaces there is one very important piece… the center, the everyday vanilla world me. The mom, girlfriend, daughter, sister, friend, and coworker, to all of those people who won’t or can’t understand who I really am inside. She is the one that gets the day to day stuff done. She gets the credit when things go amazingly well or incredibly wrong.
What I’m trying to explain about my center self and the different mental spaces is that they are all compartmentalized. There is a time and place for each one. Maybe that portrays me as a bit crazy. Truthfully I don’t care, I’m just me take it or leave it. For now though, the princess needs her storytime.