Pet and I speak daily, several times throughout our work days and again at night when he reads to me as I fall asleep. We have become comfortable in this part of our dynamic, the everyday necessity part. We still have a lot to learn when it comes to kink with each other, but like everything else right now, it has to wait. There are times when I ‘pick his brain’ just to see what makes him tick and if his submissiveness is anything like mine. Of course we are different in many aspects but it is in the similarities that I find intriguing,
One thing we have discovered together is that pet is a service submissive. His pleasure is derived from pleasing others and doing things to make them happy. It wasn’t to hard to figure out as this is how he is in his daily life. I think part of it stems from his childhood as we are all products of our environment, but most of it is just his nature. I knew this 20 years ago when we lived together, I just didn’t know enough about myself at that time to know what to do with it. I asked pet to write down what it is about serving that gives him pleasure. He responded below:
Being useful to my Beloved makes me smile. One of the biggest hang ups in our current long distance dynamic is my inability to do mundane domestic things for her. On the phone I sometimes sit in silence listening to her get ready for bed wishing so much that I could gather her medication, sweep the dog hair off her bed, put something on the TV, and literally put her to bed and rub her feet. In the mornings I wish I could have her coffee ready, the bathroom ready for her to shower, and her work space ready for the day. As she works I’d love to be near her, and provide her with the things that make the work day tolerable.
While this would be amazing to have, he and I both know that it is a fantasy. Part of our dynamic is to work on our flaws and to try to uplift the other in the process. Something pet has been working on is his independence. He has always lived with someone and depended on another person to fulfill his needs. He took the first step over a year ago (with my ‘influence’) and moved into an apartment by himself. It was scary and he was unsure but I kept reassuring him that it was the right thing for him. He then took another step and furthered his career which brought him much closer (physically) to me. Now that he has a taste of what independence feels like there is no way that I would ask him to go back.
When we do have our time together I get to see firsthand how his care and attention triggers that submissive mindset and how happy he is in my presence. We are not at a stage yet where he can anticipate my wants or desires, but he sure does try when the opportunity presents itself. This, in itself, give me pleasure. I try not to be unreasonable (sometimes I know I am) with my requests from him, and when he demonstrates that request my little Domme-y heart goes a flutter.
On the flip side of the coin, submission for me is not about service. I have never been good at doing the domestic tasks to please my Dom. There were plenty of tasks I did do out of respect, but not necessarily for the pleasure. Pleasure for me came from my Dom’s actions. I am quite the masochist so his delivery of pain when I needed a reset gave me the most pleasure. His questions of my self-care showed me that he loved and cared about me and that gave me pleasure.
Knowing how my submissive mind operates helps me when it comes to dominating pet. How so, when our needs differ in our submission? I know my actions speak much louder than my words. When pet does something to please me I do something for him in return. It doesn’t always balance out, but I know that my care and attentiveness makes him happy.
Now onto the “good” stuff, right? We all know sex is about pleasure, but intercourse is not required to fuel those feel-good hormones. Something pet and I really enjoy is the tease. Okay, maybe I enjoy it a lot more than he does as he is usually the one being tortured. He is always willing to comply with my sudden whims of edging or plug wearing. Depending on how generous I’m feeling I may even let him have an orgasm. We tried to keep track of how many days he would go but after so many they all just ran together so the focus isn’t so much on the days without but on the days I ask him to do something for me. I can hear it in his voice and see the blushing on his face when I give him special attention. It’s those moments that both of us are soaking up the pleasure.
I love our banter back and forth when he thinks he is saying something so sweet and cute and I swoop in with my whit and sarcasm. So I thought I would end this with one of those moments:
Pet: I miss you. I wish I could be quarantined with you so I could play with your hair and massage your feet. Though I’m not sure you would want to put up with me being so close for 2 months straight.
Me: Well that’s what gags are for dear.
*featured image from 123rf.com