Sweety, I’m trying my best
To give you the most and no less
Darling, I’m true and I’m real
I’m giving you all that I feel
Uncollared I am a Triple A slut: Alone; Anonymous; Available, three attributes that describe me at the deepest depths of my youthful depravity. Even approaching forty I still come to life at night, in the midst of dimly lit sweaty bodies and drugs. It was in the early 2000s when I “hit my stride”–so to speak. Back then after an evening of pushing myself against men substantially larger and more muscular than I will ever be, my passing perhaps marked by a woman bristling with envy, the long cruise to the afterparty was the gateway to bliss. You see, the afterparty is where the fun really begins, being private and discreet, away from the public and its standards of behavior, where clothing is optional and sex is currency.
Driving to the afterparty required specially selected music. It needed something unashamedly dirty with lyrics like so much hot caramel drizzling over my tongue; Mouth upturned; On my knees; Ready. In 2005 that list included a track by iio, called At The End, specifically a remix by a DJ/producer who goes by the alias Scumfrog. Nadia Ali hits all the right notes for me here. Her voice is a deeply feminine overture that perfectly captures the depth of my urges. The kick and bass is distorted and filthy, punctuated with an undulated syncopation of synth snares and hats.
When I want satisfaction I want it now, and I know how to get it. Under the protection of Beloved my urges are contained and focused, channeled into her own pleasure, like our own private afterparty.