So I had someone in a group of mine ask about Fifty shades and how it applied to BDSM. Of course there were a dozen responses about how horrible the movies and books were. How they are about abuse and not about the lifestyle. How poorly they were written, etc…

So I decided to take a different approach. I didn’t want to read about anymore movie bashing so I asked this instead… “When you saw the movie were you intrigued by the concepts and applications of BDSM in the movie, or were you merely curious to peek behind the curtain?”…

Many people in a vanilla lifestyle often turn to the internet and are drawn in by pornographic images of what BDSM and D/s are. They get caught up in the glorified images of the faithful sub, naked and kneeling at her tall, strong, handsome, and well dressed Dominant’s feet. What they often fail to grasp is the depth of the relationship that can be built around Dominance and submission. The bonding of two hearts and minds in a way that is nearly impossible to describe.

So in comes the newly enlightened Dom or sub. They have been scrolling through image after image of BDSM porn. Possibly reading blips here and there of dominating and/or submitting. So what do they do now?

Some become “wannabes”, they don’t want to take the time to read, learn, and experience things at a slow pace. They want to experience it all now. The wannabe Dom is fantasizing about forcing a sub to do things for him and accept things from him. The wannabe sub is fantasizing about kneeling at her Dom’s feet while he reads the paper. The wannabe Dom is so intent on getting what he wants through force of will. All he sees in the BDSM porn is the woman on her knees, bound and cuffed, and he can only assume that she is there by force. He has no idea how a submissive would actually crave the release that is experienced in submission. The wannabe sub doesn’t know about vetting and practicing self-care, so she gets into a chat or online group and meets wannabe Dom. So inclined to experience it all now, she gets injured. The wannabe Dom that she thought so highly of has now hurt her and she doesn’t trust him. Which, for her, means all Doms are abusive. So now we have two people that were once intrigued by the lifestyle only seeing the negative outcomes.

Some sound advise, “read the words people write and look for the belief structures behind them. If you pay attention you will likely get a good sense of who the person is; whether they really have any concept of D/s and the BDSM lifestyle.”

Those of us in the BDSM lifestyle actually live authentic lives. We strive for successful and sensual D/s relationships. We are more in tune with our true selves and have deeper emotional and physical relations than many in the vanilla world could ever imagine.

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