Nobody Knows

Nobody Knows

“You’re the one that got away..”

I pretended I’m glad you went away

These four walls closin’ more every day

And I’m dying inside

And nobody knows it but me

I never thought I would be that “one” for anyone in my life. Being so hard on myself makes it nearly impossible to believe it could be true, but I have heard that phrase..once.

I’ve written about him before, he was the one that refused to give up on me in my darkest moments. He taught me how to love myself and ignited my passion for kink. He took me on nude hikes and made me feel beautiful inside and out. He also introduced me to sensual R&B music. Many nights we made love to these artists and they will always bring back fond memories.

Life happens and we broke up. He never stopped loving his ex-wife and felt he needed to give it one last try. I was heartbroken as he was the first man that showed me what a mature relationship could be. A year passed and we began speaking again- just as friends. Things didn’t work out with his ex and I had moved on, so the opportunity to date again never happened.

Why didn’t I say the things I needed to say?

How could I let my angel get away?

Now my world is just a tumblin’ down

I can say it so clearly, but you’re nowhere around

He would later move out of state to be closer to his son. He had asked to spend his last night with me. When he left the next morning he left his CD with this song on it. His way of saying goodbye.

The nights are lonely, the days are so sad

And I just keep thinkin’ about the love that we had

And I’m missin’ you

And nobody knows it but me

I listened to this song on repeat for weeks. I felt heartbroken all over again. I loved this man with every fiber of my being and didn’t want to see him go.

Many years have since passed and we still talk, not as often, but he keeps tabs on me. I don’t recall how the conversation began or when it happened to be exact, but he has made the sentiment clear. If he could go back and do it over he would have never let me go.

How blue can I get?

You could ask my heart

But like a jigsaw puzzle it’s been torn all apart

A million words couldn’t say just how I feel

A million years from now you know, I’ll be lovin’ you still

The nights are lonely, the days are so sad

And I just keep thinkin’ about the love that we had

And I’m missin’ you

And nobody knows it but me

Tony Rich Project- Nobody Knows

6 thoughts on “Nobody Knows

  1. They say it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, but what BS that is. I also have one that got away, and while I wouldn’t change my life for anything, that lost love occupies my time more than I would like to admit.
    Cheers to sparks of passion and loving oneself, and to the men that takes bit of us with them 🙂

  2. Bittersweet memories. Sometimes things are just not meant to be, no matter how much it hurts us when it doesn’t work out. Like MrsK said, it’s better to have loved and lost than never loved at all.
    Thank you for sharing, Jae.
    ~ Marie

  3. Oh u made my eyes tear up with this post Jae – oh love is such a wonderful thing even when it doesn’t last. I believe if u have ever really loved someone then u will always have a bit of love in your heart for them
    May xx

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