“I need to be alone”. How many times have I said this phrase? Honestly, I have no idea.
I think some of my introvertness stems from my childhood. We moved every couple years throughout my childhood so my closest friends were books. It was easier to keep to myself than letting another friend down when I had to tell them I was moving.
Just as I am an introvert, I am also an extrovert. When I am ready to go out, I go allll out. It’s like my reserves were stored and just waiting for that moment to be released. I call it “letting my inside out”. I love going to concerts and music festivals and they can use up a lot of energy so I only go to a few a year. Once the stores are depleted I have to retreat and recharge.
I’m not one for the label of ‘introvert’ or ‘extrovert’ as I have both in me, it just depends on how I feel which side comes out. I need time to recharge but I still need activities to drain them as well. If I’m alone for too long then my anxiety builds and I can get quite mean and snippy to those close to me. If I’m drained for too long then I tend to do meaningless tasks like staring at the TV and not knowing what I watched. The funny thing about an omnivert is that we need other people, just not all the time.
When it comes to spending time with my friends it really depends which friend and if I have the right amount of energy. Some friends require more energy (not intentionally), so I have to be careful the amount of time I spend with them. I love all of my friends but I keep my circle very small as it is better for my mental health.
One thing that has helped is having online friends. I can be a great friend and be supportive without having to worry about how I look or feel in that moment. And when being online becomes too much it is much easier to say I need some time alone, which has been quite often as of late. I know I can be misconstrued as being selfish with my time but it is just that, my time.
I do know once my batteries are fully charged look out! I’ll be letting my inside out once again.