Harden my Heart

Harden my Heart

Like so many others, I wear my heart on my sleeve. I give love and compassion so easily, but no one ever warns you of the repercussions. A heart so freely given is often left with puncture wounds and at times gaping holes.

I’m gonna harden my heart

I’m gonna swallow my tears

I’m gonna turn and leave you here

I want to believe that I’m the hard-ass that can turn off all the things I’m feeling, but I know that just isn’t true or possible. Even when I throw in the towel (aka fuck it/them) the feelings and regret eventually seep back in. This doesn’t stop me from trying to put my walls back up, as some wounds run deep and the little bit of reprieve is sometimes necessary.

All of my life I’ve been waitin’ in the rain

I’ve been waiting for a feeling that never, ever came

It feels so close, but always disappears

So many people have touched my life in one way or another and every one of them took a piece of me. Just when I think, this is the feeling I’ve been waiting for, something shifts and the rug is pulled out from under me. I try to overcome the obstacles, but when do you say enough is enough? When does it become less about them and more about preserving my own self-worth?

I’m gonna harden my heart

I’m gonna swallow my tears

I’m gonna turn and leave you here

Quarterflash- Harden my Heart

Time for the wall to go back up. I need to protect my bruised and battered heart. I need time to heal. I read something today on Tiny Buddha- they often share articles about life, love and finding yourself. The article was about relationships and it hit the nail on the head.

“…every romantic relationship, and every interaction and moment with another human being for that matter, is an opportunity to help heal one another or an opportunity to wound one another further.” ~Jeremy Scott Lambert

I have to stop giving other people permission to hurt me. Stop saying “it’s okay” when it is really not acceptable. I need to recognize and break my unhealthy patterns when it comes to my partners.

I may harden my heart for the time being, but I have to do it for my own self-preservation. It’s time to do some unpacking and figure out what those patterns are so I can grow. It’s time to take care of me.

3 thoughts on “Harden my Heart

  1. Taking care of you is such an important thing. It is only by doing this that you will have the energy to be able to give or respond to others or have the strength to be able to cope with any kind of pain,
    May xx

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