So pet and I have been pretty focused on the well-being of each other as of late. Some of the rules have become habits and others have been put aside for the time being. We still discuss new things he would like to try and I bring up new topics that I find interesting. We are far from bored with each other, we are just comfortable.
As comfortable as we are something interesting has been happening within our dynamic. During the morning, daytime and throughout the evening I lead him. He calls and messages me whenever he goes somewhere and when he’s arrived. He asks permission for things that may be deemed as frivolous. He has kept up on his maintenance, and he has been very attentive though sometimes a bit distracted, he is human after all lol.
Once it is time for bed and we both get settled we usually video chat until we are tired. A week or so ago he brought up an idea as I’ve been having a horrible time falling asleep. He wanted to try reading to me. I love books and reading so I figured why not give it a try. He has a very sexy voice so it was a bonus.
He read from one of his favorite authors and I honestly tried to keep up, but as he read I started drifting. He achieved exactly what he wanted, his voice lulled me to sleep.
We missed a few nights because of his work schedule and being quite tired. So I was right back to where I started, up too late because I couldn’t fall asleep, then not able to get up on time in the morning.
When we reconnected he asked, “Can I read to you tonight? I really enjoyed it.” I giggled and said yes. He asked if I was in bed and comfy then proceeded to read from one of his sci-fi books. We are both science geeks so I was excited to listen to this story. To my dismay I missed the ending as I fell asleep. Again, mission accomplished.
A few nights ago as we began our bedtime ritual he asked in ‘that voice’ if I was ready. You know that voice when you were little and you’re asked a question and all you can do is nod and say “uh-huh”. Well that’s what happened. He had made my ‘little’ come out! He has done it before with his hypnotizing activities. I didn’t expect to feel ‘little’ being read to, but at night after a day of work, domestic things, homework, kid’s activities and doggy duty, I just want someone to snuggle with me, play with my hair, and apparently read to me until I fall asleep.
On Friday night as I settled into bed I jokingly said, “Will you read to me Daddy?” He laughed, and proceeded to tell me how red his face was. I love making him blush. He started flipping through the book and said, “What would you like to hear princess?” It was my turn to become red. Only one man has ever called me princess. They are very fond memories too. Pet paused and asked if he should have called me something other than princess. I told him no, that I liked it and it made me happy. So he proceeded with the story and I dozed off in a very happy frame of mind.
Since pet has started this new habit/ritual my sleep has greatly improved, which improves my mood and mentality for the next day. He knows that many other factors come into play regarding how well I’ve slept. For example cleaning day is always really hard on me physically. I normally try to break it up but it is not always feasible with day to day activities. So when I do it all in one day by the evening I’m in so much pain that my nighttime medication doesn’t even scratch the surface.
Yesterday was a cleaning day, add in my monthly visitor and it was a recipe for disaster. By the evening my body was screaming, my mood was sour, and I just wanted to be massaged and cry. No amount of tossing and turning, pillows, blankets or no blankets was getting me to sleep. So I broke through my own stubbornness and asked pet to read to me. I was hoping his voice and the story would distract me enough to let my body relax for sleep. He was happy to oblige and I was able to fall asleep.
As new as our relationship still is I have a hard time asking for things that benefit/help me. I want to be his support and show him I can lead. When my body betrays me I feel like a weak person.
The mental perception of weakness is one of the many things a sleep disorder can do. I have PLMD (Periodic Limb Movement Disorder) and RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome). I’ve had it since I was a child, but my parents were always told I was just a wild sleeper. Both conditions are genetic and usually idiopathic. The limb movement is in relation to the periods of sleep. The restless leg is usually in the evening but when my hormones are in flux I can experience discomfort all day long.
Many studies are still being performed on why people develop these conditions. One theory still being tested with the use of MRI is that the somatosensory part of my brain has changed. The creepy crawly sensations I get from Restless Leg Syndrome is essentially the neural pathways in my brain misinterpreting the sensations in the neural pathways in my legs.
I used to joke that I run marathons in my sleep, because that is how I woke up feeling the next day. Being so tired that normal daily activities were exhausting, the weight gain, anxiety, severe mood swings and migraines are also part of this as well. I made adjustments to cope with the symptoms as I got older, took night jobs to switch my circadian rhythm, yo-yo dieted and just “dealt with it”. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 30.
As there is no test to prove these conditions it falls on the doctors to do a rule out method. I was ruled out for MS, early onset Parkinson’s, nerve injuries from traumatic events, and possibly more that I’m failing to recall. I’m on maintenance medication which helps some. I do light yoga, and I’m focusing on a healthier diet. Some days I feel like a million bucks, others well.. I make it through the day.
This is where things actually get interesting. Recall I started my BDSM journey as a masochist. In my post Hi, my name is… I stated that I utilize therapeutic spankings, well this is why. The pain from a spanking changes the route of the nerves via the neural pathway. So any pain I feel from not sleeping well or over doing an activity essentially gets re-routed. Also when I’m in pain for a few days without relief my mood drastically changes. I’m overly emotional and just plain mean. The spanking helps with my mental state as it releases adrenaline during the spanking and dopamine afterwards. So I may be sour prior to the spanking but usually calmer and happier after.
I’ve lived a very colorful life so far and it can be credited to the unknown. I was quite naive and very inexperienced in my 20s so I did many things like the cutting, sex, and BDSM to mitigate these symptoms I’ve had for years. My doctors never put it all together and I never thought to ask. It took a mentally, physically and emotionally broken woman and a persistent doctor to tie it all together.
I never would have thought twice that my lack of good restful sleep would take such a toll on my mental and physical health. The anxiety will never go away, the shooting nerve pain or creepy crawling sensations will never go away, the fight to fall asleep will never completely go away, but the search for answers finally did end.
So now I have methods of treating many of the symptoms, and I have a new method when I can’t sleep, all I have to do is ask, “Daddy will you read to me?”