Don’t save me, Support me

Don’t save me, Support me

I’m not the only one saying that this year has had a really rough start. Stress, illness, and even day to day tasks can feel like a burden. I feel like so many people (including myself) are on high alert and it only takes one wrong move to set the stage afire.

As sex bloggers we share very intimate parts of our lives, we are often exposed and that makes us extremely vulnerable. When we are questioned over something we said or did it can come across as an attack. More often than not things get said in the heat of the moment and are not always how we truly feel, but how we feel in that moment, in defense mode. I’m not one to jump into heated conversations or debates. I have my thoughts/opinions and usually keep them to myself. Maybe that makes me a fence sitter, or maybe..I can see valid points on both sides. I am this way in all aspects of my life.

This past weekend I was asked by a friend to support a cause that she was advocating for. I asked for evidence or direction to more information before I made my decision. She was taken back that I refused to jump in and say “Yes, I agree”. She later apologized for putting me on the spot and provided me with the information I requested. I know it frustrates those around me when I don’t make a clear cut decision at the precise moment they ask for it, but I’m not changing that part of me anytime soon.

This evening I was talking and messaging with pet about this past weekend and he said something that caught me off guard. “I wish I could save you, from everything.”

All communication ceased for almost 2 hours, but not because I was upset or hurt over it. I had to have time to think it through, do I really need saving? More importantly, do I project that I need saving?

I do write about the random things going on in my life and sometimes the silly nonsensical things that roam through my head, but I have never needed saving. Even in my worst experiences I have never wanted someone else to save me. Although, sometimes the saving does happen whether you ask for it or not and in those times I am grateful.

I did eventually respond to pet and I told him this,

I don’t need you to save me, I need you to support me.”

I think that phrase can be applied to many things in our lives whether they are vanilla or kink. We may not live in a fairy tale (ok maybe some do), but we can be our own heroes and still support one another.


11 thoughts on “Don’t save me, Support me

  1. Beautiful. What you said about not wanting to be saved but supported. I am the same way when it comes to making decisions. I need all and as much info before I make a final choice. I do all the research necessary, ask others opinions and toss in my head like a salad and make my decision. Sometimes we just need to be listened to, nothing more and nothing less. I will say that my Beloved did “save” me from myself. Because I know where I would be if he hadn’t saved me. I still be fucking strangers, broke from spending on drugs & booze. a hot mess. Advise I was given when I was divorcing my first hubby…take 24 hours and don’t do anything. I still use it when making tough decisions. 🙂

    1. Thank you Cat. It has been rolling around in my head for a couple of days but tonight put it all in perspective and thus the post. I think when you become a danger to yourself that is a necessary type of saving and it usually happens when we least expect it. ?

  2. I find most of the “regular” bloggers are very supportive. Occasionally visitors can bully or be mean. They might attack, but regular and consistent visitors (blogging friends) don’t behave in that way. I’m not sure any of us can “save” someone. But we can support them. We can also give measured advice at times.

    1. Measured advice is always welcome, but don’t be offended if I don’t take it. I’ve had that happen before but not so much in this community. ❤️

  3. You made me pause after I read this. I had to think hard about what you wrote.

    I agree that I’m not looking for quick salvation from some external source as I can’t see that as being valid. On the other hand, having support and affirmation as I proceed to grow and promote my own salvation – including my missteps, that’s priceless.

    Very thought provoking ??

    1. I’m so glad my post gave you pause Melody. It’s not easy being a writer/sex blogger as the things we say can be misconstrued. Supporting one another is such an important part of this community as well as taking the time to listen to one another. ❤️

  4. I have been at the center of heated conversations, not because I wanted, but because I have been drawn into it. I still feel horrible about it, and those feelings will not change soon. Damn, I still remember things that happened when I was 14, but thankfully back then I was listened to and supported. I am so with you on this… don’t try to save me, but support me. And this is so true: “… we can be our own heroes and still support one another.”
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

    Rebel xox

    1. It’s hard putting ourselves out there especially on social media. People who don’t understand what or why we write are often quick to judge. I think all we can do is learn from those conversations and/or mistakes we make and keep trying to do better. No magic wands or white knights to save us. ❤️

  5. I think it’s good you don’t just jump in without taking time to think about it. I think that’s a quality that should be praised! I like how you changed the sentence. You indeed don’t need to be saved, but like everyone else, we need to be supported

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