That’s what BDSM stands for right?! (I’m kidding)
I was in my early 20s when I learned about BDSM and D/s relationships. It was also a time that my sex life was extremely active. I joke with my closest friends that those were my “slutty” years. I was never the experimental child, I got good grades and did what my parent’s told me. So, when I moved out at 18 to go explore the world I discovered a lot more than I bargained for,
I had a few hiccups along the way, just as many young people do in life, but that’s not what this post is about. My first experience in BDSM was with a very close friend who was trying to give me a healthier coping mechanism. He introduced me to impact play and I have been hooked ever since. We had an extremely sexual relationship but the impact play didn’t always lead to sex. I think that is a common misconception from those that are not in the lifestyle- BDSM does not require sexual intercourse.
Impact play is one very small part of BDSM, just as bondage is. It has been a kink of mine for a very long time so that is why I relate to it so well. If you have read my blog for any length of time you will know that my relationship with S is not kink driven. However, he understands my complicated relationship with pain and how I utilize spankings as a maintenance. When the world just seems to be crashing down and I’m completely overwhelmed a spanking session can re-center me and brings things back into focus. There are times that he sees this and will mention it in an off-hand way, but most of the time I have to ask. He doesn’t derive pleasure from doing this to me, for me, which is why our sex life is not tied into kink.
In my relationship with Pet, BDSM and sex are very much tied in together. I tease him about being my slutty little kitty, truth be told, he is a slut for sex when given the opportunity. He is also very loyal so he doesn’t go looking for it. We have often discussed the fantasy of involving another partner just for me to watch them play with my pet. Granted it is fantasy, but you never know what may happen. Pet and I do have a Domme/sub relationship and part of the dynamic is to explore and experiment as BDSM is new to him. One thing we have tried is light bondage and pet loved every minute of it. In our play it does often turn into sex as we both have a pretty high drive when we are together. We haven’t been able to try very many new things due to the pandemic, but the list is there when we are able to see one another again.
I love that my relationships are very different. Each one gives me something that the other cannot. I guess you can say I’m pretty spoiled. I do hope that I give them something just as special in return.