Forget your sadness, anger, grudges and hatred. Let them pass like smoke caught in a breeze. Do not indulge yourself in such feelings. -Masaaki Hatsumi
It was my birthday weekend and I had grand ideas of what I was hoping it would be as the lockdowns have somewhat lifted. Needless to say it didn’t go quite as planned. I woke Sunday morning feeling rather low and upset that I had to celebrate my birthday around everyone else’s schedule. S asked to meet me for lunch, instead of dinner so we could avoid a dinner crowd and we met yesterday instead of today (my actual birthday).
At first I told him to forget taking me out and that I would just cook on my Blackstone grill, but while I was in the shower I began to get angry. Why should I make things easier for him when it is my birthday damn it! So I called and told him that we were still on and where I wanted to go. He did surprise me with an adorable little gnome to add to my collection. We had a good time and he made sure that I felt special.
Today, I did actually cook on the Blackstone and made the dinner I really wanted for my birthday. I didn’t have to fight any crowds and the chef responsible for my meal tasting good did a bang up job.. hehe. We didn’t bother with birthday cake as I can’t eat it anyways so I didn’t feel like I was missing much.
After all the sadness and melancholy I felt over the weekend I was surprised by two of my dearest friends with flowers. They made my heart melt as they are going through a really hard time as of late. I was pleased as punch with the happy birthday message from them that the flowers were completely unexpected and I cried. They are two of the most kind and caring people I know.
I know I’m not a child anymore and maybe feeling the ups and downs over my birthday is simply childish. But it’s the one day a year that I feel like being a little selfish is okay. Today was a good day and I’ve let go of the anger and sadness. I get this last year of my thirties and I intend on enjoying every bit of it.