Sometimes life just slips in through a back door
And carves out a person and makes you believe it’s all true
And now I’ve got you
And you’re not what I asked for
If I’m honest, I know I would give it all back
For a chance to start over and rewrite an ending or two
For the girl that I knew
Who’ll get hurt, but who learns how to toughen up
When she’s bruised and gets used by a man who can’t love
And then she’ll get stuck
And be scared of the life that’s inside her
Growing stronger each day ’til it finally reminds her
To fight just a little, to bring back the fire in her eyes
That’s been gone, but used to be mine”
(Used to be mine) -Sara Bareilles
This song has always stuck with me. I do love musicals and Broadway shows as they are definable. We can relate to that character in some way.
I still regret many things I did in my past, specifically how things had ended with pet so many years ago. I feel as though I don’t deserve him, even now. He truly is special.
He has brought back my fire. He has filled that hole in my heart that has been there for so many years. At the risk of sounding cliche, he helped bring me back to life.
When we began speaking again I wasn’t unhappy, but I wasn’t happy either. I was just going through the motions of daily life. Work, homework with my son, (insert whatever event or sport), bedtime. Wash, rinse, repeat.
I am vulnerable once again. It’s not an easy state to be in, as I feel things so much deeper. I had perfected the numbness prior to him. Now, he just strips it away without even trying. I love him so much for it. Every laugh, every sigh, every tear, is his doing.
I may be his Domme, he may be my sweet pet, but he is most definitely my better half, the love I’ve always wanted, and my best friend.