With the “love” month coming, I feel like I’m just a big ball of mush lately. I do participate in Valentine’s Day as it is a day of importance in my family.
My parents met in the military and knew each other for 2 weeks before they got married. In the early 80s if you wanted to stay with your partner and not get stationed apart you had to be married.
They have been married this year on February 14th for 38 years. They didn’t plan it to be that day, but it was a justice of the peace and get married this Friday or get restationed thing.
They are my inspiration. They are truly soul mates. They have, of course, had ups and downs, but they believe that if there is a problem in the relationship you stick it out and fix it. Their strength is what gives me hope that I can still have that with someone. To this day you can tell by looking at them that fall in love with each other again and again.
As I’m fighting my internal battle right now I dive more into music. The lyrics of the right song keeps my head above water. I feel I can do this and be a strong person for my family and those whom I love dearly. I listen to all types of music, this one has spoken to me today. The artist is in the Christian music genre and I’m not of the religion but that aside it is a beautiful song. The first few lyrics keep playing in my head…
I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I’m not enough
Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up
Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low?
Remind me once again just who I am because I need to know
You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
And You say I am held when I am falling short
And when I don’t belong, oh You say I am Yours
And I believe, oh I believe
What You say of me
I believe. -Lauren Daigle(I Believe)
This is how pet takes care of me. He tells me every day how much I mean to him. He is one of my shining lights. We are fighting different battles, so we try to uplift each other when we are in our low moments.
I know I gush over him a lot, but when you truly love someone that is what you do. He is not perfect and I would never portray him to be. However, he is very intuitive with me. Our connection is something neither of us dreamed of, so it almost feels surreal.
He reaffirms many times a day how much he loves and adores me. I believe him. I try to do the same for him. Sometimes I feel like he is getting the short end of the stick, but more often than not it is my anxiety talking.
I know I am enough for him. I show him with my written words as my thoughts cannot always be trusted when I try to speak. The phrase think before you speak comes to mind. I do think and overthink so much so that when I speak the inflection is wrong and I sound like a jumbled mess.
I wasn’t always this way. I’ve always kept to myself and my friend circle is small, but I used to be rather articulate in social settings. When life changes and throws you curve balls you either adapt or get hit with the ball. Let me tell you once you get knocked down sometimes it is really hard to get back up.
That is where the strength from others comes into play, especially from my pet. I have an amazing support system now and even though I have a few bad days a month, I can get through them. I have so much to look forward to and with these amazing people, I will overcome the anxiety attacks and love myself again.