I realized something last night. I created this blog in December as a means to let my creativity flow. I wanted to write, but I wasn’t sure what I wanted to write. Which is how I came up with my blog name. I have so many ideas and fleeting thoughts passing through that I wanted to write about them all. I wanted to write post after post and then it hit me like a brick…
I’m going through a frenzy! My patience is crap and I have so many topics and ideas I want to “try out”. I am like a new submissive all over again! I want to experience the high of putting out a new blog piece, but the next one has to be greater than the first in order to make the next high even greater.
Hol-e crap! No wonder why my sleep has been so horrible. I had 5 drafts started of completely different ideas, stories and whatever else came to mind. So last night I took those drafts and I deleted them. All of them. I did write down in my notepad app the idea or storyline of each one. That way when the time came and I wanted to write one I hadn’t forgotten it.
As a submissive, new to the D/s dynamic or BDSM scene, often we get so caught up and excited about experiencing something fun or enlightening that we feel like we have to do it all right now! When we try one thing and it gives us that endorphin high we crave more. So the next thing has to be even more exciting so that we can get higher. This builds and builds until you crash or get injured. This, my friends, is called sub frenzy.
I caught myself doing this very thing. Granted, I’m not at the same risk of being injured, but I’m putting my well-being at stake. My lack of sleep affects my energy level, my moods, and how I treat my family. It is not fair to myself or them. So my little notepad app will become my self-check. It doesn’t hold much so I can jot down an idea with maybe a sentence. This is how I can be held accountable.
I told pet about this and he laughed. I know he was laughing in a supportive way though. He started to experience sub frenzy when we first started talking about BDSM. Telling me all things he wanted to try and how eager he was to try them. I explained to him that we could try anything he wished, but at a much slower pace. He can see that frenzy now that he knows what it is, just as I now see that even my writing can be at a much slower pace. There is no prize at the end to be won. Nothing horrible will happen if I don’t write for a day or two. I have plenty of time to write, re-write and experience each piece.