This week’s Erotic Journal Challenge is about discovering my own sexuality. When I became aware of my sexuality, when I first masturbated, and how it made me feel.
As I’m an avid reader, I discovered romance novels in my early teen years. My parents didn’t believe in sheltering me, so they let me read them. Most of these books were harmless. It was a woman usually in some sort of distress and the tall, dark and handsome man swooped in to save her. The more I read the more I became interested in sex. So the next step was erotica. My first thoughts were along the lines of “ewwww, I don’t think I want sex”. I don’t believe they were very well written, but I was a teenager what did I know.
Self discovery and of course reading about sex had me rubbing on my clit every night in bed. I noticed the tingly build around age 11 or 12. I liked the feeling. I imagined it being a handsome man, who adored me, rubbing it. I don’t recall the first orgasm I had, as it ended with one every night. I loved how I felt after, warm and loose and sleepy. I didn’t really experiment vaginally as it didn’t give me the same feeling.
My first exposure to sex was my best friend at the time. We were 13. We had both started our menstrual cycles that year and had the dreaded sex talk with our parents. My friend was sexually active and quite daring. She always had male friends around. I was the shy, nerdy, not very attractive one. I didn’t put much effort into how I looked. I didn’t wear make-up and my hair was usually in some sort of ponytail. I did know that I liked boys and found a couple of them cute. My self esteem was pretty low at the time, so I didn’t believe I would ever have sex.
The first time I actually felt sexual desire was my freshman year of high school. My best friend at the time was a boy. We would walk home after school everyday and talk. Our small group of friends thought we would make a cute couple. We were both super dorky. It was a competition in the classes we had together on who had the higher grade. I still wasn’t very secure in my appearance, but it didn’t matter to him. I remember our first kiss. It was a pressured kiss. We were parting ways to go to our houses and our group kept chanting, “kiss, kiss, kiss”. It was the quickest and most awkward kiss, more like a peck. I ended up moving away so that is as far as our relationship went.
Fast forward to my senior year of high school. My friend decided since she had a boyfriend that I needed one. By this time I was a little more secure in my appearance. I didn’t feel like I stuck out like a sore thumb anymore. I had lost a little weight and started working after school. She introduced me to a friend that she had known for several years.
This friend became my first boyfriend. I had my first real passionate kiss with him. We waited until I turned 18, as he was a year older than me, to have sex. He still remembers it quite vividly. Even now he could tell me details. I know this as we have come full circle in our lives and he is now my submissive.