FemDom or FLR or both?

So in my last piece I ended with my blast from the past becoming my sub. The conversation didn’t just jump into the lifestyle, although it could seem that way. A little background (and no he doesn’t mind me talking about him), in fact it made him red from head to toe that I wanted to include him in my writing. So we began talking as a catch up, “what’s been going on in your life?” type of conversation.

After several talks, I admitted my wrong doings back when we were together. Honestly, I was a closed off person. I was 18 and I knew everything! As most 18 year olds believe. So I ended our relationship as I knew I wasn’t good for him. He was, for lack of better terms, a doormat. I could walk all over him and he would just take it. I couldn’t keep living like that so we separated. Fast forward to 2 years ago. I saw he was friends with my best friend from high school, so I made the attempt to contact him via Facebook. My intentions were to just apologize for treating him so poorly back then. He never responded so I left it at that. I said my piece and the ball was in his court.

This year was when he reached out. I was elated! After we got past the “we were different people back then” phase, it felt like we never ended. I trust him with my darkest secrets as I know he would never use them against me. He trusts me with his as well. The trust is what began our foundation to D/s. Even with this short time period of re-connection,  I can easily say that he is my confidant, my lover, and most importantly my best friend.

So that begs to question, what are we? Titles really don’t mean crap, but when someone asks how you relate to the lifestyle it can be a bit tricky to explain. See I don’t fit the FemDom (Dominatrix) stereotype. I don’t dress in a corset, with knee high boots, cracking a whip. I cringe to think of it. I know I’m not a Mommy/Caregiver type either. I do know I care and love him with all my heart. So that got us looking into FLR( Female led relationships). Now there are quite a few novelists out there that spout what FLR should be. Honestly, most of it is inflated. Some of these women let the power trip go to their head.

So I guess it is safe to say that we are both. I lead him in many ways, and he loves to follow. He thrives on the simple rules I’ve given. He shows remorse when he makes a mistake, and we discuss the transgression. We rarely use punishment as a tool, but he knows it is there if the need arises. He has always been submissive and it showed even as we were kids. I can identify with the sub in him as well, which makes my domination much more appealing to both of us. I can put him in a head space and keep him there as long as he wishes. I have never felt so complete in a D/s relationship before. It just feels easy. Granted, it is not and I do put a lot of thought and effort into his growth as a sub. He makes me so proud to be his Domme.

The bottom line…screw the titles, he is mine and I am his.

7 thoughts on “FemDom or FLR or both?

  1. Thank you for sharing. I can empathize with you about the difficulty in explaining your dynamic when there isn’t an easy term/label to slap on it that doesn’t require a 500-word explanation accompanying it. The current face of the FLR movement has really gone overboard in how they wish to portray that.

    I look forward to reading more from you.

    Take care.

    Like

      1. You are welcome. Thank you for the follow as well.

        The concept of mixing loving relationships and D/s is actually quite rare within the BDSM communities and the majority of available resources barely acknowledge living it as a lifestyle. When FLR first became a working term ~8-10 years ago, it was meant to describe a monogamous, loving, 24/7 lifestyle D/s Femdom relationship. I know that I could closely relate to that term back then as that is the type of D/s that I engage in. More recently, ~2013 to present, the most visible proponents of the term have really gone out of their way to remove kink from the equation and taken it down a very different path that is no longer something that describes me. Unfortunately this has left a void where the term no longer applies.

        Take care.

        Liked by 1 person

      1. Hi Jlynn:
        lol, we are an older couple with 27 years of marriage under our belts with around 5 years full on FLR/Femdom.
        It is something We have evolved into as a couple.
        For me, I wish with all my heart I would have found out about this many years ago, especially when we were raising our children.
        He has always worshiped and adored me. I don’t know why but he has and does, I could have very easily had him submit back then. I just did not know this sort of life was available or that it existed.
        I hope you embrace it and that you get what you need thru it. There is no comparison what so ever to vanilla.
        D

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you for sharing that with me. I consider myself very lucky that he came back into my life. We have such an amazing connection, I just didn’t know what I had 17 years ago. We both have grown, matured and changed a lot since then, that we can appreciate what we have now.

        Liked by 1 person

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